She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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