Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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