I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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