Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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