i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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