You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
