This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
