Barsexuality is the new black.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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