I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
