i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wear drunk well.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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