hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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