how hairy? two words: wookie tits
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
