I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
