WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who died my cat blue again?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize