the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize