$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
