Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
