Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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