I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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