she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize