At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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