I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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