Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
