Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
