fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
