Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
