So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
