Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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