I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize