oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
