and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
