omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
