What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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