i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize