Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
