I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
