I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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