If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
