i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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