I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
