Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I stole a fireplace last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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