I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
