I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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