p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
