We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
