Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize