He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
