You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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