hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
