super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
