When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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