I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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