Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
