need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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