So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We have started to decorate penises.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i think my cat just said my name.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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