I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ugly people sure do ruin things
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
