Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
