I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
