I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
