You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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