problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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