I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's always time for handjobs
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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