im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
