I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
